so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
