I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
