I wish my penis had an off switch
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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