So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
