a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
