It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
