Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Do vagina's smell?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
