I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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