There is no way he is gay with that hair.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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