It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
