I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
