I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
