I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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