you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize