Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize