also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
