i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
