You're completely useless in the revolution.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
