and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
