mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
