it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
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