This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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