she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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