It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
