you traded sex for a burrito?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
