it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
