well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
