Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
The air was thick with penises
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
