Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
