I'm going to rape someone's good day.
4 words: hood of his car
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
