Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
