3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
