ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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