Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
