Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
