i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
