I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
