That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
