If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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