I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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