After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
