i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
