and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
