god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
