No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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