I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Randomize
