The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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