Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
