does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
