I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Randomize
