It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
