her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
