I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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