lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
