I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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