Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
