He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
