Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
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