Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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