Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
