Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
