dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize