I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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