why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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