i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
We have started to decorate penises.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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