Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
