i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
