I feel great
I just peed on a car
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
