Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
