She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
