Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize