i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
