So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Randomize
