u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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