should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
