Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Did I show you my penis last night?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
