That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
