Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
