Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
