these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
