Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
