bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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