just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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