she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
