I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
