i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
