plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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